Don’t be afraid to say, “I need a hand” sometimes!

I was raised by women. Strong, independent, black women. Women who went to work and took care of everything. We didnt need for anything ; we were clothed and we were fed. They taught us how to start our own businesses and work for ourselves and be hard workers; dont miss a day. One of the things I was taught was, don’t let a man do anything for you, because he will want something from you in return. And so, I lived my life that way. But as I got older, into my 20s, I realized how damaging that idea actually was. Because it made me not only not allow them to do anything for me but it made me so independent that I became TOO independent.

And what I mean by that is that, it made it so that I worked harder even when I was with a partner who SHOULD have been helping me. I didn’t make it a requirement for them to help me because I had it in my head that I was independent and I could do it by myself. And i could have! But it caused me to become vulnerable and to be taken advantage of.

And this is another reason why its important and necessary to have men, strong black male figures in the lives of young black girls. These fathers, beothers etc are supposed to be in place to teach us what to expect and it didn’t happen for me until my brother was of age, and he began to protect and provide for me in the ways a man should, because my father was incarcerated from when I was 5 til I was 21. And also it took for me to move down south where men are more chilverous and they take care of things; they don’t believe in letting a woman do too much for herself. You can be independent but they teach you to let your man help you out. And I learned that while its ok to be independent its also ok to ask for help when you need it and let people help you when you need it. Its ok , You don’t have to feel less than, or feel like you are weak because you allowed somebody to help you. Regardless if they want something from you or not, thats doesn’t obligate you to give it to them.

When I turned 16, I was placed in a program to support foster kids. I had a case worker who came to see me once a month, and took me to the events that were held. They stayed with me until I was 24. They helped me to get my first apartment out of college. When they asked what I needed for my apartment, it was hard for me to let them help me, I was very prideful trying to do it all on my own. But they were able to furnish my whole apartment, and get me a deep freezer full of food that lasted me a long time. My counselor told me it was because, over the course of my time in the program, I never asked for anything. During my times of struggle and need, I kept my mouth shut when I had people who were willing to help me.

Always remember, loving yourself involves not only letting people know you need the help , but allowing the help when offered.