self love. a perspective.

In the age of “love yourself first”, “self care is everything” the idea of being alone and happy is glorified. you are supposed to date yourself, take candle lit bubble baths and buy yourself nice things. but, often times I don’t think many people think of how damaging this idea is.

When you grow up surrounded by people who abuse you, call you names, beat on you, that is not a catalyst for learning self love.

When somebody who is supposed to exhibit loving behavior towards you violates you sexually, it takes the very essence of love away from a child and can haunt a person into their adult lives. it can trigger low self esteem and a sense of low self worth. then if they don’t ever tell anybody of it, they carry that weight inside of them along with the pain.

Pain a candle lit bubble bath won’t fix.

Pain that is often found in the bottom of a bottle. Pain that often times ends up in tears in the middle of the night when nobody is around.

Pain that turns into bitterness, and emptiness and perpetuates poor choices in life partners, sex partners and poor social skills.

In a society where therapy is looked down upon and the stigma on mental health and people outwardly deny even having it, they don’t want to be aware that the symptoms they are exhibiting are the symptoms of an underlying issue: depression, anxiety, PTSD. Where people are living amongst their triggers with no way out. How does one learn to love themself? So they escape, using sex, using drugs, using alcohol, using social media. As a means to distract themselves from the negative voices in their heads that continuously tell them they are not worthy, telling them they are only good for one thing.

Self love is not something that is overnight but rather as NIP would put it…a marathon. It is a journey of healing inwardly to change your external outcomes. Self love is doing things that are best for you and making decisions that empower your best personal development. Learning that it is ok to say no to others as well as yourself.

Say no to yourself when you want to convince yourself to do something that will hinder you, set you back, it is ok. It is making responsible decisions regardless of who doesn’t understand or if it doesn’t fit societal norms. It is saying no to your FOMO and not letting your friends make you feel guilty for not being available when you want or need to take time for yourself.

And, contrary to popular belief, Self love is not selfish. Selfish is not a bad thing anyway, when you have given most of your self, and your love, to everybody else but you. FLY chile, FLY.